Questions and Answers

These questions/answers are from October 11th!

-  In your opinion, at what age of a child, is the "age of accountability"?  16; 18; 20; Depends on the child?  At what age to they become adults?  My son went to college and suddenly grew up - mentally and spiritually.  But there are some adults that never seem to grow up.
How do you define accountability?  Is it when your child becomes independent?  Is it when they begin making decisions for themselves that begin to have consequences?  These type of things depend on the child.  Remember that your child is not YOU!  We have to be willing to let our children make mistakes and to fall, but be willing to help pick them up and teach/guide them the right way - God's way!
In general, the age of accountability is considered to be around 12 years of age.  This is the time (according to scholars, and in general) that the child knows right from wrong  and can make big decisions and accept the results, be it good or bad. 
There are children that know Jesus and ask Him into their hearts at very young ages (3, 4, 5, etc.) and then there are those that wait until they are older (10, 11, 12, etc.).  My son asked Jesus into his heart when he was almost 4, but he didn't get baptized (an outward sign that a person has accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and done in obedience to the Scriptures, following Jesus' example) until he was 9 years old. 
We need to all ask ourselves, "What kind of job are we doing or did we do of teaching them about God - Jesus - Holy Spirit during their formative years?" 
By the way, I feel like I have grown up, but will always be a kid at heart!  :o)  I might be one of those adults you referred to that never seem to grow up!  :o)

-  I was wondering where do I start teaching my children at home about GOD?  I'm trying to get my fiancee on my level in faith.  I want peace.  He says he believes in God, plus attends church; but it seems as if I'm not getting thru.
As far as where do you start with your children - NOW with prayers and Bible Reading and modeling it for them.  Children are like sponges!  They soak it all in and then live it!  Bringing them to Sunday School where they can be around other children and teachers that are sharing the Bible stories and making it "real" to learn about God, His Son Jesus and the Holy Spirit! 
As far as your fiancee, do not try and "raise" him to your spiritual level.  Lisa said, "I tried for years to raise my husband.  We have to let go of someone else's level."  Can you trust God?  Let Him (God) grow your fiancee and others.  You concentrate on learning more and more about God's Word and living it each day and God will do the rest. Remember in Philippians 1:6 it says:  " being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus".
Pray for your fiancee and your children!  Prayer does change things!! 

-  How important is it to call someone to pray with you when you feel like you fail, in doing things angrily instead of godly.  Is it key to read what God wants us to act, talk and be as Jesus has walked on earth?
It is important to have connections and friends that you can call and they will pray with you and hold you accountable.  Christian sisters will be there for you at all times.  Praying together and studying God's Word together are very important, but it is just as important that you (all of us individually) have a personal connection with God through His Word and through prayer.  We have talked several times about having a personal relationship with God and a daily quiet time set aside to read and study His word and to have conversation with Him through prayer.
At GEMS we understand and have all been there! 
God has given us His Word as our "Handbook" or the guide on how to live!  It has all the answers!  We need to read it and hide it in our hearts - memorize.  We all fall short and we will not be perfect until Christ returns and takes us HOME!  In Heaven there is no more death, no more tears, no more pain, and NO SIN!  We will be perfect and singing HIS praise for eternity!
_______________________________________________

These questions/answers are from September 27th!

• If you have broken trust with the kids, can you regain it? Yes. Get humble. Repent. Ask their forgiveness. Be honest. Share with them "why" it's going to be different -- because you are committing to doing things God's way.  This is a post that Jill Savage had on her website.  Check it out!  She also has other parenting resources on her website.
http://www.jillsavage.org/?p=2828

• God's principles DO work with special needs children - it just takes longer and a lot of time. Discipline always takes time no matter the temperament of the child :)

• Could you explain the "rod" comes in many different forms "Spare the rod and spoil the child". (Prov 13.24)  The "rod" can mean physical behavior modification (spanking, etc)...but my mother never used a physical means to modify my behavior. I was so in awe of her that when I did something that displeased her, she would tell me how disappointed she was...she would yell sometimes - but always at the wrong I had done...never at me and my character. I hated being out of harmony with her and I would get back in line. That was a "rod" that stung. Some people use physical - but never should be done in anger. Prayer can be a "rod" -- community service. Serving the family as a means of restoring the wrong done. There are many ways to use the "rod" on our children to discipline them to choose right thinking.

• There has been a lot of change in our family over the past year and it has been a huge challenge for everyone. But, my son has just recently started a HUGE whining fit over "spilled milk" and yells and has become very physically violent. What do I do with him? I am going to send this to Sarah Thompson (Lord led me to). I'll let you know her response.     Here is Sarah's response:
I tend to hesitate to giving direction when I don’t have a full understanding of a situation. However, there are some things mentioned here that I can respond to that might give you a frame work for understanding your son’s behavior, especially if this is not typical behavior for him. 
1) Every change is a loss, and every loss is a grief. Usually we only think of grief when we lose a loved one to death. However, changes in life may cause us to lose something, even if the new something is good. For example, if I move to a new place (and it’s a better place to live), I lose the familiar surroundings I once had, I lose the ease it was to stay connected to the neighbors/friends I had, etc. Everyone reacts differently to change. Some feel more anxiety when faced with new things, even if they are good new things, while others seem to thrive on change. Some changes are clearly difficult and challenging. And if there are many changes all at once, people tend to have more difficulty adjusting to change.

2) Adults and children experience the world differently. Developmentally adults reason and understand the world more abstractly. This means that we have multiple ways of looking at a situation based on our life experiences and even simply because we are more cognitively developed than children. Children see the world more concretely or black and white. Because of this, a change or an event that is “no big deal” to an adult can seem traumatic to a child. Let me share a brief story to illustrate: A man and his daughters are at a swimming pool. The girls are taking turns jumping into the water where the father catches them. He has told them not to run around the pool because they could fall in and drown. While they are playing, one girl slips off the edge of the pool and is under the water for a few seconds. The dad scoops her out of the water and after she catches her breath, she says, “Daddy I drowned!” In this scenario the father knows that his daughter is in no real danger because he is right there to catch her, but for that moment she experienced panic and a somewhat traumatic experience. So as a parent, it is important to consider how the child understands the events in his/her life.

3) Boys tend to express all emotions through one emotion: anger. Girls are naturally wired to express a variety of emotions (and this is also socially acceptable), whereas boys tend to need help in learning how to talk about their feelings, specifically in naming them. When kids are violent it is an expression of anger (in most cases) and there are usually other emotions underneath anger: fear (worry, anxiety), hurt, helplessness, and guilt. When you see an anger outburst from a child who normally doesn’t have one, it is helpful to ask if they are afraid, hurt or sad about something. You may need to give him time to “cool down” before talking about it, because when he’s angry he won’t be able to think. Also, the emotion expressed may not be connected to the real issue that is bothering them at all. For example, whining may be generalized to not liking the whole situation, and hitting a sibling may actually be about being angry about something else entirely. Don’t be afraid to take a “detective” approach in understanding what the real problem is.

4) Concluding thought: Slow your pace down in responding to your son (detective work takes time!). Let him know that you care about what he’s going through and what is bothering him. Ask specific questions about how he might be reacting to the changes and challenges and validate the hurt, fear, anger if it’s there. Give him some hope for the next steps in your situation, but not until he understands that you are in his court. Also, recruit friends to be praying for you and supporting you. Dealing with our children’s anger can stir up our own in the form of feeling helpless, and any expression of your own anger toward your son will be counterproductive to him understanding you are with him and not against him.

• How do you train an older teenager to stop lying. This wasn't realized until 2-3 years ago, so it became a habit. Maybe at this point it's behavior modification. Either way, I need help. I do think I'm a reasonable parent, so I can't figure out why she continues to lie. Please don't say "Look in the mirror" :) We've been disciplining with clear consequences. It works for a bit, but then another lie comes along and she's caught. What Scriptures point to lying. Maybe I need to post those on her bedroom mirror. Don't define your child by their behavior ("You're a liar!") She is dealing with a sin. You need to partner with her to attack that sin." Attack the problem, not the person" MLK Jr. Involve others to be praying with you and for her. Teach her what lying will mean in her life. Understand and stand firm on the fact that it is her life and her path. You are there to speak truth and to love her. I don't recommend beating her up with Scripture by posting it in her face. Lovingly share it with her as you lead her. The best thing we can do is teach our kids WHY God tells us to do things His way. WHY should she not lie?  Not to please you....but because it will destroy her life.

      o Prov. 12:19:Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.

      o Prov 12:22 The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful.

      o Pr 14:25 A truthful witness saves lives, but a false witness is deceitful.

      o Eph 4:25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his   
         neighbor, for we are all members of one body.
      o Pr 19:9 A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who pours out lies will perish.